Monday, March 26, 2007
Blogger
Apparently, if you haven't updated your blog in a while, and then all of a sudden you do, blogger tends to freak out a bit. Who knew? Let this be a lesson to me: Update more frequently.
A Light in the Darkness
Well, it's been quite a while since I've updated the old blog. I could say that I've been busy, or uninspired, or a dozen other such excuses. Really, I have no excuse. I just haven't committed to it. A lot has happened since November. I've lost three important, wonderful people. I swam in the ocean of uncertainty and indecision that comes just after graduation. I started a new job, and ultimately, I found a new path.
When I first returned home after SSMT was over, I took several military band auditions and started temping. I hated it. There is really no other way to describe it. The auditions were stressful and exhausting, and all I could think at the end of the day was, "Thank God I didn't make it in." Generally speaking, this is not the attitude one should have after losing an audition. True, I did feel some disappointment. Everyone wants to do well, regardless of whether or not they want the position. Still, in the end, I was relieved. I love the clarinet, but I was burned out. The last thing I wanted was to spend eight weeks in boot camp, only to have that followed by four years of my life devoted to an institution that for years I found little good in. Clearly, I was meant for other things. Meanwhile, there was temping. I have never hated a job as much as I hated temping. I was good at it. I am organized, personable, responsible, and patient. I could handle anything they dealt me, and the people at the company would have been happy to have had me stay. I couldn't wait until I could quit. Every morning I dreaded going. I'd get sick to my stomach. I'd have migraines. I had anxiety attacks more and more frequently. Something wasn't right. So, I applied to become a substitute teacher. This was by far one of the best decisions I ever made.
I love it! Some days are awful. Some days the kids don't listen to you, and you leave with a migraine and no voice. One memorable day, there was a fight in my classroom. But, for all the bad days, there are countless good days. The day when kids you've subbed for see you in the hallway and run up to give you a hug. Days when two first graders whose class was particularly bad in music run up to you on the playground to inform you with absolute seriousness that they "finished the story" you had tried desperately to read to them. Days when a student says something so ridiculous and classic that all you can do is laugh.
Part of me has wanted to teach for as long as I can remember. In elementary school, I was certain that I would become an art teacher. Later, I thought I might teach Algebra, history, or general elementary ed. I was always afraid, though, that if I gave in to the teaching bug, it would be like turning my back on the music dream. This year I realized that it was possible to do both. In the fall, I will be returning to SU for two more years. When I leave, I will be a chorus/general music teacher. Teaching is something that fulfills me, energizes me, and inspires me. It provides a much needed steady paycheck and health benefits. And, the schedule suits my needs and lifestyle. I will have the time I need to practice, teach lessons if I want, rehearse for any ensembles I join, and continue to explore the world of pit orchestras that I just can't seem to get enough of. This is an exciting new path for me. The funny part is how little it surprises those who know me well. I so often hear, "oh yeah, I've always thought you'd be a great teacher."
I suppose I should mention here that it wasn't an easy decision. I certainly had a lot to think about. It's never easy to step off the path we are on and go off in a new direction. It helps me to know that I haven't given up the old dream. Rather, I've added to it.
I bought a saxophone. This is not earth-shattering news by any means. I've never been the biggest fan of the sax. It is hardly my favorite instrument. You might say that the purchase was more out of necessity than anything else. Still, I am incredibly excited about it. I went out and bought new reeds, a neckstrap, a better ligature, a swab, a polishing cloth, and the pit musician's best friend: a stand with a clarinet/flute peg. I am certainly not winning awards with my sax playing skills at the moment, but I can honestly say that I feel like a real pit musician. It is exciting to know that this summer I have a contract to do all four shows. And on my contract it says: Reeds. That's right! I am a professional pit musician. And I will be playing my own sax and clarinet. Best of all, with any luck I'll be sharing a book with my best friend, Ashley. I can't think of a better way to spend a summer. And, I think I get to play a little E-flat clarinet, too! :)
The last few months have been full of change, but the future is still looking bright. If you find yourself in need of a little music and theater this summer, swing by Winchester and catch a show (Thoroughly Modern Millie, Little Me, Evita, and Bye Bye Birdie.) Be sure to peer over the side of the pit before or after the show or during intermission. You just might catch a glimpse of me with my sax!
When I first returned home after SSMT was over, I took several military band auditions and started temping. I hated it. There is really no other way to describe it. The auditions were stressful and exhausting, and all I could think at the end of the day was, "Thank God I didn't make it in." Generally speaking, this is not the attitude one should have after losing an audition. True, I did feel some disappointment. Everyone wants to do well, regardless of whether or not they want the position. Still, in the end, I was relieved. I love the clarinet, but I was burned out. The last thing I wanted was to spend eight weeks in boot camp, only to have that followed by four years of my life devoted to an institution that for years I found little good in. Clearly, I was meant for other things. Meanwhile, there was temping. I have never hated a job as much as I hated temping. I was good at it. I am organized, personable, responsible, and patient. I could handle anything they dealt me, and the people at the company would have been happy to have had me stay. I couldn't wait until I could quit. Every morning I dreaded going. I'd get sick to my stomach. I'd have migraines. I had anxiety attacks more and more frequently. Something wasn't right. So, I applied to become a substitute teacher. This was by far one of the best decisions I ever made.
I love it! Some days are awful. Some days the kids don't listen to you, and you leave with a migraine and no voice. One memorable day, there was a fight in my classroom. But, for all the bad days, there are countless good days. The day when kids you've subbed for see you in the hallway and run up to give you a hug. Days when two first graders whose class was particularly bad in music run up to you on the playground to inform you with absolute seriousness that they "finished the story" you had tried desperately to read to them. Days when a student says something so ridiculous and classic that all you can do is laugh.
Part of me has wanted to teach for as long as I can remember. In elementary school, I was certain that I would become an art teacher. Later, I thought I might teach Algebra, history, or general elementary ed. I was always afraid, though, that if I gave in to the teaching bug, it would be like turning my back on the music dream. This year I realized that it was possible to do both. In the fall, I will be returning to SU for two more years. When I leave, I will be a chorus/general music teacher. Teaching is something that fulfills me, energizes me, and inspires me. It provides a much needed steady paycheck and health benefits. And, the schedule suits my needs and lifestyle. I will have the time I need to practice, teach lessons if I want, rehearse for any ensembles I join, and continue to explore the world of pit orchestras that I just can't seem to get enough of. This is an exciting new path for me. The funny part is how little it surprises those who know me well. I so often hear, "oh yeah, I've always thought you'd be a great teacher."
I suppose I should mention here that it wasn't an easy decision. I certainly had a lot to think about. It's never easy to step off the path we are on and go off in a new direction. It helps me to know that I haven't given up the old dream. Rather, I've added to it.
I bought a saxophone. This is not earth-shattering news by any means. I've never been the biggest fan of the sax. It is hardly my favorite instrument. You might say that the purchase was more out of necessity than anything else. Still, I am incredibly excited about it. I went out and bought new reeds, a neckstrap, a better ligature, a swab, a polishing cloth, and the pit musician's best friend: a stand with a clarinet/flute peg. I am certainly not winning awards with my sax playing skills at the moment, but I can honestly say that I feel like a real pit musician. It is exciting to know that this summer I have a contract to do all four shows. And on my contract it says: Reeds. That's right! I am a professional pit musician. And I will be playing my own sax and clarinet. Best of all, with any luck I'll be sharing a book with my best friend, Ashley. I can't think of a better way to spend a summer. And, I think I get to play a little E-flat clarinet, too! :)
The last few months have been full of change, but the future is still looking bright. If you find yourself in need of a little music and theater this summer, swing by Winchester and catch a show (Thoroughly Modern Millie, Little Me, Evita, and Bye Bye Birdie.) Be sure to peer over the side of the pit before or after the show or during intermission. You just might catch a glimpse of me with my sax!
