Hug Time

I have so much to be thankful for these days. After my last post, I completely changed my attitude towards my playing, and as a result, discovered my true potential. This led to a rewarding audition experience at Shenandoah Conservatory on Saturday. I am proud to proclaim that I passed that audition and will most likely be a graduate student in Clarinet Performance there in the fall, regardless of whether or not I get in to the University of Maryland. I was overwhelmed by how nice and friendly and welcoming the professors, staff, and students were at Shenandoah. Even the prospective undergraduate voice major I met on my tour and her family were super nice. Her mother wished my good luck twice, and I knew that a school like that I would stand no chance of getting lost in the shuffle. Most importantly, I accomplished something I hardly allowed myself to believe in, I GOT ACCEPTED TO A CONSERVATORY OF MUSIC!!!!!! I am still feeling the giddiness of this wonderful occurance. Now, of course, I am frantically trying to fill out my fafsa forms so I can pay for this future learning experience, but this is a minor ripple in my lake of joy. So, Thanks be to God

As a music major, I spend a lot of my time practicing, performing and auditioning. I picked a career (or it picked me) that puts me in the public spotlight and requires me to constantly strive to be my best. It all comes down, one way or another, to confidence. And that, is my biggest problem. I used to have more than enough self-confidence. Back in middle school, I thought I was the best clarinetist ever, and if I didn't do as well on an audition as I would have liked, it only made me work harder. Somewhere along the way, I let fear and doubt creep in, and before I knew it, I had little self-confidence left. It seems to me that this whole college process has been about trying to recover what I've lost and start believing again in my potential. I have let myself believe that I am not as good as the other clarinetists, though my brain tells me that this is total crap. Instead of seeing all the improvements I have made, I let myself believe that I actually got worse, or didn't improve at all. Also, complete crap. This lying to myself has got to stop. I was good in middle school, good in high school, and I am good now. I just need to get rid of this handicap I've picked up along the way. I fully admit that UVA has been detrimental. But, I am graduating from UVA, and it's time to leave the negativity behind also. My friends, whose opinions I respect because they are musicians themselves and can recognize musical skill have told me over and over again that I am an amazing clarinetist. By denying this, I am essentially calling them liars, and that's not how I should treat my friends. So, starting here, today, I am making a committment to myself to change my outlook. I am going to start believing what Aileen, Brad, and all of my other friends tell me. I am an amazing clarinetist. I am one of the best clarinetists at this school, and I am not going to let other people tell me otherwise. Most importantly, I love playing clarinet more than anyone else I know, and THAT is why I am going to make it. So, this Saturday when I go to Shenandoah Conservatory for my audition, I am going to kick some serious butt. Watch out world, cause Elizabeth Linsley is making a come-back!

I sit here updating my blog, fully aware of the fact that I should be writing one of my two papers or my essay instead. Still, I am hoping that by simply writing, about anything, I'll be able to get my brain jump-started enough to begin my paper. I always have problems starting papers, and when the topic is on water development and the growth of the American West, well... How excited would you be to write this paper?

I had a rather busy weekend, despite the fact that I was supposed to be out of town and therefore should have had a clean slate. Friday morning I went to breakfast at the Nook with Andrew, Alex J., and Susan Pace Hamill. I just made it home in time to grab my books and head over to Cabell for my Christian Vision in Literature class. After class I went to work for four hours. All of the full-time staff went to a music librarian's conference in D.C. for the week, so I worked with people from other libraries. I think I like it better when the staff is gone. It is nice to actually have two people at the desk for a change. I usually end up working by myself, and it gets really hectic. I was also a hero of sorts because I knew how to unlock the CD cabinets and no one else could figure it out. After work, I went home to nap for a bit as my blood sugar was really low. That night, I went to the men's hockey game at the Ice Park with Kris, Leigha, Lisa F., and Diane. It was a ton of fun, even though I had to explain a lot to Kris. ;) Lisa was hoping for a fight, but sadly, there were no full-fledged fights that night. I think we're going to try to go to more games in the future. Anyone want to come, too?

Saturday was the combined Glee Club, U-Singers and Virginia Women's Chorus formal. I took my little brother from ballroom with me. It was fun, and I am glad I got to attend one formal while I was here, but I don't think I want to go to another. I just feel too awkward at events like those. Dinner was nice, though. We went to Rococo's as a big group. It happens to be my favorite restaurant, so I was happy. And, it was nice to see all the girls dressed up. I have the cutest chorus sisters! Anyway, that's my sum of the weekend, leaving out a few things that are of little interest. I guess now that I've written it here, I should get to work on that history paper. Sigh.....the work never seems to end....

In most of my conversations recently, especially in my Christian Vision in Literature class, grace keeps coming up as a topic of discussion. I don't even pretend to understand what grace means exactly, and I can never know how it is being played out in my life every day. But, thinking about grace has gotten me thinking about Divine Order, and how everything happens for a reason. This weekend, for instance, I was supposed to go work at the Confirmation Retreat at Camp Highroad. I had been looking forward to it for weeks. Now, however, it has been cancelled due to a lack of registrations, and this suddenly frees up my weekend for other things. For one thing, I am not going to be in such a rush to write my history paper. And, I get to go to my chorus formal on Saturday. I am not sure who I am going to take with me, or what events will happen this weekend, but I am sure that there must be reason that God wants me here. Or perhaps it isn't about me at all. Perhaps the retreat was cancelled for someone else's benefit. For instance, Alacia is going to Australia on Sunday. Now that the retreat is cancelled, she has more time to pack and get ready for her trip. Or maybe one of my friends will need me this weekend. What I am trying to say is that while I don't know the reasons why things happen in my life, I know that they do happen for a reason, God's reason, and if I only open myself, and I can see the beauty of God's love being played out in me. And isn't that what life is all about anyway; letting ourselves be open to all sorts of wonderful possibilities so we can witness the miracles that take place every day, all around us? I vow this day to make myself more aware of the beauty around me and be open to the endless possibilities this life has to offer. Won't you do the same?

My thoughts recently have been on all of the friends I have made over the years of my life, and I have been thinking about the difference between passing friendships and lifetime friendships. I guess the reason I have been thinking about this is because I have been watching my friendship with someone whom I considered to be my best friend here at UVA slip away. This is not to say that our friendship will not later be rekindled, but that at the moment, we are involved in other things and we just seem to be going our separate ways. Anyway, this experience has caused me to reflect on my friendships of the past. My very oldest best friend is Lisa Francis. We have been best friends practically since I was born. Her parents are friends with my parents, her brother and mine hung out, and my sister baby-sat both her and her brother when they were little. We've lived across the street from each other forever, and we have always been best friends. Looking at us now, you would think it odd that we are best friends since our interests are so different. But, we've shared 22 years of friendship, and we do still have some things in common. We both love art and music (though we prefer different aspects of each.) We both like horses, reading, and Disney movies. And we both love pets, especially cats. I know that no matter how different we are, we will always be best friends and I can count on her when I really need her, like when Mittens passed away.
I am so blessed because I have had so many wonderful friends over the years: in preschool, elementary school, middle school, and high school, at Camp Crowell with Rene, Highroad, Interlochen, and Key Summer Band Camp, at District Band, in Y.O.U., at Running Brook Day Camp as a counselor, at Highroad as a counselor, in Lefevre first year, in Ballroom Dance Club, Virginia Women's Chorus, in all of my classes, in Mo Ho, and of course in the Wesley Foundation. I love all of you so much, and I am so thankful for those of you I still keep in touch with. (Alli, I still need your address!!) I know that when I leave here, I will lose touch with some of you, but I want you to know that you will always be in my heart. Thank you for being my friends. I love you!

You've probably noticed that it's been awhile since I updated my blog. This is actually not because I have been too busy to write anything, but more because I haven't had anything worthwhile to write about. So, I thought I would just let you know what all I have been doing these days. I have been busy with the Virginia Women's Chorus lately. I sing first soprano, A part, and I am section leader for the first sopranos. I am really happy to be singing again, though my recent illness has kept me from participating for the past week. Orchestra rehearsals have also started up again, and I am playing one piece on the upcoming concert: Verdi's "La Forza Del Destino." The second clarinet part is actually not very exciting, but Mrs. Garlick has a killer solo, and I get to play my A Clarinet, so I am happy. Formation team practices have also started up again. We are going through some rough patches at the moment because a bunch of our guys quit, and we are having problems getting people to come to practices. Still, I like the new members, and I am optimistic that it is all going to work out. I have been busy with classes these days. My classes are interesting, but they require a lot of reading and listening. I am not so enthralled with my job these days, but I hope it will get better. Besides, I need the money, so I really shouldn't complain. Finally, I am spending more time with the Wesley Foundation people, and that has been really good for my outlook and spirits. Thanks guys! Next weekend is the February Confirmation Retreat at Camp Highroad, and I am very much looking forward to that. Alacia tells me that we don't have any registrations yet, but either way, it will be a chance to spend time with some of my favorite people in the whole world. And, David, I promise not to give you bad directions this time! Anyway, I love you all! God bless.

Recently, the talk around the Wesley Foundation has been on the importance of the Sabbath and what "keeping the Sabbath" means in today's society. I have been interested in this subject myself, and I thought that perhaps now would be a good time to discuss it here on my blog.

Last season, on the show "7th Heaven," there was an episode entitled "Sunday." In it, the whole family gets caught up in the day to day struggles, and the kids try to grow up too quickly by discussing things like sex. They are definitely not living in the present, and they are definitely not following God's intentions for them. Well, through a jealous outburst, Lucy manages to get herself chosen to give a sermon at her dad's church. At the time I was watching the show, I was only mildly interested in what she would talk about. I even doubted whether they would show the sermon at all, or if they would just gloss over it in an effort to get back to the grittier stories. But, at the end of the show, Lucy does indeed deliver her sermon, and it was one of the most thought-provoking sermons I have ever heard. The rest of the show became rather irrelevant in the shadow of her thoughts. I wish I had a copy of the script so that I could share with you her words, but as I do not, I shall have to relate them to you as best I can.

Her sermon was entitled, "Sunday," and in it she talks about the way people used to celebrate the day. There were church sings and picnics. Couples would ride over to church together in their buggies in an older version of dating. Noone would even think about doing work. Dinner was cold, having been prepared the day before. Neighbors would join you for dinner (lunch) after the service. You would enjoy each other's company, the outdoors, and conversation with loved ones. At night, you would gather together and read passages of the Bible. Sundays were about friends and family and sharing your devotion to God. Now, Sundays are about catching up with all the work we didn't get done over the week. They are about laundry and errands, homework and chores, recovering from the parties we attended the previous night. We still go to church on Sunday, but more and more it seems to be a chore for most people; Oh, it's Sunday, I guess I should go to church. How many of us actually take the time to sit and really listen to the sermon? Or ask our friends how they are doing and really listen to the reply? How many times do we sit and read the Bible? Or just go for a walk outside to enjoy the beauty of God's world? How many of us email or call old friends just to let them know that we love them and are thinking of them? How many times do we remember to smile and hug the people that we love? Or to take the time to thank God for everything He has given us? Perhaps we should. Perhaps we should remember what Sundays used to mean. Perhaps if we took the time to ask our kids how they were doing and to talk with them about the issues facing them, they wouldn't be in such a hurry to grow up. Perhaps we would be able to reduce the violence around us, and keep sex and drugs from destroying our kids' lives. As college kids, we don't yet have kids, and we are still in a phase of childhood ourselves, growing and discovering who we are and who we want to be. But, what if we took time on Sundays to meet with kids younger than us, to talk with them and let them know that we've been where they are, and that we are here for them? What if, instead of trying to play catch-up with all of our school work, we did as much of our work during the week as we could so that we could enjoy a day off on Sunday? What if we designated that day to spend with our friends, taking walks, having picnics, just getting together to hang out and share the joys of life together? What if we just took five minutes of that day and wrote down all the things we were thankful for, so that we would never take our blessings for granted? And what if, when we went to bed that night, we said a little prayer for all that we have, and ask God to be with those who are less fortunate and need His love even more than we do? I think that would be the kind of place that I would be honored to live in. So, on this Sunday, I vow to take time to thank God for all I have. And to send emails and phone calls to my old friends to let them know that I love them and am thinking of them. And to all of, I love you, and I am so blessed to have you in my life. Happy Sunday to you and yours. Blessings.